Creating Safety • Nurturing Birth
Three Tuesdays: June 6, 13, and 20
5:30 pm - 7:00 pm
It was the early 90s.
I thought I was doing all the right things––church, prayer, Bible study, small group, service––but I wasn’t getting the right results. I cannot say for sure what results I was looking for, but I could not seem to “live the promises” of peace, joy, and stability of soul. I was desperate for them. As a last resort, I sought the advice of a respected counselor. However, after three visits, she said, “Ann, you don’t need a counselor. The last thing you need is a therapist. What you need is a spiritual director.” And I said, “What’s that, and where do I get one?”
The good news is I did “get one.” Her name was Betty. Betty created a safe container for the gestation of dreams I had never spoken aloud. She nurtured the birthing of what then seemed impossible. Betty noticed my keen desire to be formed by the Holy Spirit (the process of spiritual formation) and my leaning toward spiritual companions to support me. In 2004, she encouraged me to enroll in Shalem Institute’s Group Spiritual Direction program. I did. The process of group spiritual direction occurs in small circles of deep, holy listening to self, God and others and allows for---one person at a time---the healing and transformation of our world" (Shalem Institute). The experiential learning program provided a safe place to expand my ability to discern God's nudges and support others in the process.
Expanding our ability to discern
Our ability to discern,” Jeannette Bakke tells us in her book Holy Invitations, “is influenced by our willingness to observe.” Let's hear that again. "Our ability to discern is influenced by our willingness to observe." Even with the best intentions, we easily and quickly get sidetracked into business as usual and fail to observe beyond the surface. A container process is needed to help people do what they came to the circle to do: stop, look, and holy listen -- which, in case you haven't noticed, is not our natural bent. We need help.
Stop our Busyness
Holy listening is an intentional, counter-cultural action on our part to stop our busyness and turn toward God. It reminds me of the story of Moses and the burning bush (Exodus 3). Scholars tell us that the bush’s only purpose was to get Moses’ attention––to get him to stop, turn and investigate “this strange sight” so God could speak to him. I don’t know about you, but when I have a bush burning in my life, the last thing I think of is stopping to listen. How about you? What is your auto-pilot response? Stop or run? Turn or ignore? Investigate or deny?
Just as God asked Moses to take off his shoes, the holy listening process helps us slip out of the reactive patterns that hold us hostage, patterns that are unconsciously fueled by our ego, our need to control, to judge, to advise, to fix, and on we go. As we practice letting go of these patterns, we very, very slowly begin to sense a response “from above rather than below” (as Henri Nouwen puts it) that empowers another’s soul into flight.
Look Beyond
Holy listening has the potential to help us look at our lives from different angles and new perspectives. I once read a story about a mother’s son who was in first grade, and his teacher asked, “What color are apples?” Most of the class answered red. A few said green. Johnny, my friend’s son, raised his hand and said white. The teacher tried to explain that apples could be red, green, or sometimes golden but never white. Johnny was quite insistent and finally asked, “Would you just look inside?” That’s what holy listening does––it helps us look inside. Our human eyes see the skin of things, the visible, the burning bush. Holy listening, balanced with sacred questions, helps us explore beyond the surface, beyond the obvious, to the situation's inner core and hidden wisdom. God’s good ways are always higher, always deeper, always beyond what we could dream or imagine.
Listen Gently
Holy listening requires someone willing to create a safe container that helps us quiet the static of our internal chatty minds and external noises. A little space of silence before and after a person speaks helps everyone to hear what is being said––perhaps for the first time! Only then will we be able to hear with the ear of our hearts. We don’t need someone to fix us. We need someone to sit with us and help us become aware of what we already know. We need someone to gently hold us before God as God’s love holds us, just as we would gently hold a tiny, helpless bird:
We may get tired. Keep holding gently.
We may want to dissect. Don’t, hold gently.
We may want to help them fly. Don’t, hold gently.
Our success as a circle does not depend on the focus person gaining clarity. We are not called to be successful. We are called to be true to the Spirit’s working and faithful to the process of holding gently as we holy listen to another's story. God alone knows when the "bird" is ready to take flight.
_______________
Are you longing to notice & experience God’s nudges?
Are you longing to expand your capacity to listen to God
in your heart and in the hearts of others?
Are you interested in facilitating a group of people for this purpose?
If you answered yes to any of these questions,
join us for a short course training on
TRUST CIRCLES for GROUP SPIRITUAL DIRECTION. Details below.
Spiritual Direction in Groups
- three weekly virtual sessions -
WHEN: Tuesdays, June 6, 13, and 20, 2023
From 5:30 - 7:00 pm Eastern Time
WHERE: Virtual on Zoom
COST: $60 for all three sessions. Training portions will be recorded and provided. Facilitators: Ann Starrette and Nancy Bellamy
TO REGISTER or questions: email Nancy@starrettefarmretreat.com or call her at (336) 971-7275